First Entry

Today is Sunday May 4th and Mimi is 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant. This is my chronicle of the prenatal period.

To give some background, we were pregnant back in November 2007. I remember it clearly. She got up in the middle of the night to pee, and I suggested she do a pregnancy test. She was having symptoms consistent with pregnancy. When I got up in the morning, she had left the stick on the edge of the sink and I saw that there were two lines, indicating pregnancy. I was so estatic and overjoyed. I woke her up and had to ask her just to make sure that what I was reading was right, we were pregnant.

To make a long story short, we went in for our first ultrasound on December 4 and we found out the baby was non-viable. There was no heart beat. The feeling I had was just terrible. I felt surreal, almost outside of my body when the ultrasound tech was telling me that there was no heart beat. Mimi actually handled it better than I did at that moment, keeping herself very cool and controlled. I guess this was one moment when I could not stuff my feelings of sadness, grief, and anger.

Two days later we had the D&C which was a painful procedure for Mimi, both physically and emotionally. It is something that any couple wanting children should never have to experience. It was just horrible.

So bringing us now to present day, we were able to successfully get pregnant and she is not just over 6 weeks pregnant. This is the early stages and a renewed sense of joy comes over both of us. At the same time, there is a sense of fear. Fear of loosing another baby. Fear of having another miscarriage. Fear of having to undergo another D&C. Fear of going through the process of grief and loss.

As I think about the fears, I'm told by many that there is very little we can do. Of course there are the normal things any pregnany mother should do. Avoid certain foods. Take all the prenatal vitamines required. Exercise when possible. Stay healthy. Take lots of rest when she can. However, in the end, what is the one factor that will make this baby healthy and eventually mature into a loving child of ours. That answer is simply, God.

Ever since we knew Mimi was pregnant, we have been praying daily for a healthy baby. This is our one request to God and I pray that He will grant us this prayer. I try to understand that the last baby did not make it might have been a blessing for us because maybe the baby would not have been healthy and God did not find it to be our time. Maybe God wanted to continue to prepare us to be Godly parents and in the process helped us understand how precious life is as well as how frail. In any case, I am convinced that the small life we had growing inside of Mimi before is now with God in heaven.

We are now looking forward to this new life given by God. I guess one might say that I have a lot of fears, and I admit that I do. In the same regard, this challenges my faith in God all the more, and I will continue to look to Him for strength.

As for my wife, she is all the more beutiful when she is pregnant. This morning, I sit with a cup of coffee in hand thinking of her over the past week. This has been one of the most difficult weeks I have seen her go through. This is the woman who faced medical school and residency, sucking it up when she had to be up for nearly 36 hours straight. This is the girl who can seem as tough as nails and independent to the core.

Being pregnant is quite different for her. She has felt so sick that even I have never seen her this sick before. She constantly felt nausious, vomiting in the evening, particularly when brushing her teeth. She has had little to no energy for anything. To take a 15 minute walk was a lot for her. Her one week off between hospital duties was spent resting on the bed or the sofa with a little plastic cup by her side for when she vomits.

For both of us, the fear of the health of this new baby weighed heavily on our minds. Last Friday, May 2, was our first ultrasound. We both were nervous, but when they did it, we could see the little blob that was our baby. The most amazing thing was seeing something the size of a pea on the ultrasound machine as it moved in a constant rhythm. That was out little baby's heart beating. I was sitting next to Mimi and this took place, and she reached over to hold my hand. She layed there and I sat with her in awe of being able to see our healthy baby building itself into a fully grown baby. It was just amazing. Simply amazing. Our first thoughts when she ultrasound tech walked out of the room was "Praise God"! We were so happy and Mimi even said later that she wanted to cry when she saw the baby's heart beating.

I guess to close out this first entry, I just want to say that we are blessed by God. This baby is one that we would like to honor God with, as godly parents, and we continue to lift this baby into God's hands. I know that one day, baby Lin may read this and I hope you do. I also hope that you can understand how much we love you and hope that you will understand how much God loves you. Baby Lin, stay healthy and we're looking forward to seeing you come into this world on your expected due date, December 25, 2008.